The group laughed merrily at the frantic movements of their friend, the suddenness of the sound causing birds to take flight in the brush beside the dusty road. The day was just starting and Feldun envied them, or as close to envy as he could muster. A vague disappointment settled into his thoughts as he watched them come closer. He shuffled off to the side and trying to avoid the dust cloud their wagons stirred behind them.

He took the time to notice they were elves, something he could be thankful for. A fellow elf would not spit on him or throw things at his tattered figure. He’d grown to hate humans over the last week or two. To hate society in general. Most people were cruel and unforgiving. At first he relied on the kindness of others until he found that the world was not what Ohmie had told them it was. The memories flooded his mind, too quickly for him to block them out effectively.

A Glimpse of an old woman in a pink blouse, smiling an ancient smile.

A Friend laughing with him in the sun, innocent and free.

Joyful rides to the temple every harvest.

Then the smell of burning buildings. Trust no one. A familiar voice whispers

It was the laughter that triggered them. It reminded him so much of home. He backed away further, trying not to be noticed as the tears filled his eyes.

***

 Jolte was at the head of the caravan making jokes to pass the time. Nothing worked better, except maybe music. The days were spent in travel and if they were lucky, they didn’t have to deal with bandits or downed trees. But this part of the road was dry and clear and under the direct use of the king. No bandit would harass them here. Guards were a different story, but they had not seen a guard for 3 days and today was to be a happy occasion.

He looked over at Munden with affection. This was their caravan, their life’s work and their family’s legacy. 

”....and the lady says ‘I forgot my coal’”  

Munden’s responding chuckle was nothing special to any passerby, but if a person were to examine Jolte while he watched the woman in front of him gently smile and lift her hand to her mouth, you would think her a goddess able to bewitch with a half-hidden smile and joyous eyes.

His voice faltered and he was lost to her charms for a moment. If he weren’t so intent on his wife, then maybe he would not have noticed the small elven boy shuffling along behind her, about a span from the road.

“HOLD!” Came the strong voice of Jolte.

At the abrupt halt of the progression, every wagon in the line showed interest in the boy. 9 wagons with at least 2 faces each popped out of the windows within, sometimes 3 or 4. There were children with bright happy eyes and old men and women with such silver hair that even the moon would be jealous. There were strong young men with jawlines that looked like they could cut through the strongest metals. Even the horses looked pampered and happy. The wagons themselves were nothing special to look at. Judging by the cloth that the drivers sat on and how many people were in each wagon, they  did not live a glamorous life but a comfortable life.

“Hello, son. We always welcome Elven travelers. It’s not good for one of our kind to be alone. Where are you headed?” Jolte paused for a short moment awaiting a response and when none was forthcoming, he looked the boy over with a critical eye, seeing a young soul in need of help. He continued, “Maybe we can give you a lift. We have plenty of room for a little snippet like you. Besides, I’m sure Mary-Belle wouldn’t even notice the weight.”

Jolte was at the head of progression and looking at Feldun with a tenderness that made him uncomfortably aware of his threadbare clothing and lack of shoes. Feldun looked down at his hands and saw dirt where just a few days ago, his fingers were pristine and the nails clear. There were bruises further up his arms and, truth be told, all over his body though onlookers would only see the purpling ones along his arms. He could only imagine how dirty his face was. Feldun took a few steps further into the brush.

Seeing the boy’s hesitation, Jolte quickly added, “Just to the next town, we have business in the area and could use some help unloading our goods.”

Feldun kept walking until a tree branch grazed his shoulder. Startled, he turned and ran.

“Wait! Come back!” Jolte shouted as Feldun ran as fast as he could until he was sure no one was following. Underneath the canopy of the forest, it was darker and perfectly suited to his mood.

He found the position of the sun and headed on his way, wandering towards the next city with no real destination, only fueled by the hunger settling into his young body. A force that in the last 4 days had become the only thing keeping him alive.

With the sun high above guiding his way, our dirty young boy hungrily munched on red berries, headed toward his destiny.

If one thinks about a journey to and from a place, it is slow and deliberate. A thought-out process of moving parts. One should never embark on a journey without their full faculties with them. However, a person can not always choose when and how they start their journey. Our young man is one such boy. Hungry and tired, Feldun ate the red berries he found while walking through the forest. Time can pass slowly on such a journey when hunger is a constant companion.

With nothing in his stomach, Feldun quickly discovered that the red berries were not for him to consume. Maybe other animals can survive off of them, but not an elf. He heaved again, getting all of the poison out of his system and went on a hunt for new food. He knew the general direction he was supposed to be going, so he marched on with the determination one only finds in a well cultivated child. His pains were back and he held his stomach as he walked. Keeping himself upright with pure will.

All around, the forest was full of life, a phenomenon that he felt could only watch and not take part of. The closer he got to this world, the more lonely he felt. As he walked almost all life avoided him. Birds that he envied took flight into the blueness of the sky. Deer ran even before hearing him, he must smell, And even insects took to scurrying away as he walked nearer. Eventually he found a goat munching on the same berries that made him sick.

A span away, “Lucky little guy. What am I supposed to do though?” He walked closer, keeping up a stream of conversation with the goat, both for his sanity and for the goat’s nerves. A trick he learned long ago. “I know this works on horses but maybe a goat is close enough to a horse that you might lead me to some water?”

His inflection turned up at the end as if the goat might answer him. One step more… and… it bolted just as he had done with the wagoners. Out of a futile attempt to catch the animal, Feldun ran too, expending his precious energy.

The goat darted quickly in and out and around bushes and trees, sure that the small person would not be able to catch him.

Feldun kept speed pretty well for a child who had had little to no food for 4 days. Since the fire and the nightmare. Since his world was plunged into a depth of darkness that no sun could penetrate. Since a heartless hatred had crept into his soul.

We will not make him relive that now. Now is a time for excitement. Besides, even the wicked deserve happiness.

Rounding a corner, Feldun dropped to his knees to halt himself before being flung directly into a spring in the middle of the forest.

Crying, Feldun stared with wonder. Around the corner, the goat had done just what he asked. There was water. A cold stream of water bubbling around a bend and running into a reservoir before moving on. Feldun laboriously got up from his knees and drank deeply from the pool.

A brilliant smile lit up his elven face. The water cooling his stomach pains. For the first time in 4 days, his stomach was not grumbling at him or in pain. Aware of the fact that it would take some time before his clothes dried, he stripped to nothing in the woods. The vision of a water sprite. All blond hair and adolescent beauty that will ripen with time.

As only a young boy can, he dove into the water making a ruckus of laughter and splashes. Nearby birds, offended by his jolly behavior, squawked and took flight. It didn’t take long for Feldun’s stomach to realize it had been fooled and returned to its crusade with a vengeance.

“Alright….. alright. The blue berries this time. Eventually we will come across something that we can eat.” Holding his stomach as he spoke, he began to walk towards his clothes. As young boys tend to do, he got snagged in them and they stuck to his wet body making his already nauseated stomach more uncomfortable. Eventually he emerged from the sticky mess measurably decent. The clothes themselves were dirty, but it was tolerable and he didn’t like the idea of being naked for hours and waiting for his clothes to dry.

There was a ruffle in the leaves nearby. A doe had come close to his small clearing. It was eating something in the bushes just beyond. Feldun decided to go find out what it was. He needed to eat and he needed to do so soon.

“Might as well follow the animals. They seem to know where everything is.”

With that, he set on his way in the general direction he needed to go, looking for food and other animals nearby. With all of the life surrounding him, Feldun thought of setting a trap and spending the night near his watering hole… There would be blood involved and he decided that he had seen enough blood for one lifetime. The smell of smoke and ash momentarily filled his senses as he had the uneasy feelings he sometimes gets.

Blinking the tears out of his eyes and fighting the memories back, Feldun continued on his journey. He walked for hours, the sun setting behind him as he made his way toward the city. Visibility in the forest became difficult in the hours of twilight and beyond. This is something that Feldun was learning for the first time.

Oh, he knew how to set up camp. He knew how to start a fire. He also knew how to take care of his bedding needs as well as cook a delicious soup with the rabbits his family would catch out in the forest. However, as a young member of the family, he was always told when the best time to set up camp was.

After running into a glen of bitter but delicious vegetables, eating his fill and grabbing some for the road, Feldun found the edge of the forest. He was half a day from the city. He could see it from his vantage point on an outcropping of rock that he had to nimbly climb up in order to set up camp. Finding the right firewood had been tricky in the dark but he managed it. The bedding was easily arranged. He would sleep well tonight. Safe and sound on his outcropping with a gentle crackling fire to keep him warm in the night and small stack of logs to keep it going.

Feldun found himself staring into the fire for a while after building it. Trying to put off laying down to bed. In the quiet of his nights, he was plagued with visions of his mother,brother and sisters. He watched helplessly as his father was struck down in front of him. His fight or flight response kicked in and he ran as fast as he could. His father’s blood still warm on his face and his sister’s screams fresh in his ears… At the point where he finds his mother, Feldun falters in his recreations. He cowers even in his mind. He runs as far away from the memory as he can into the darkness and turmoil that is his sleepless nights.

Nights,  plagued by hunger and the uncontrollable need to keep moving, were worse than days.. His world had faltered and he didn’t know how to rebuild it. Lost and alone, the only thing Feldun knew for sure was that Traston was where his aunt was. Somewhere in that city, he would find her and tell her all that had happened.

In his dreams, Feldun found himself standing in front of a woman. She was ttoo tall, a giant among men. It seemed that no matter how quickly he moved his feet, he stayed in the same place, never getting close enough to make out any of her features. Feldun could see that she was talking but could not hear what she was saying. He tripped and began to tumble through his dream. Through the sensation of falling, he glimpsed a throne overgrown by thorny vines, a world plunged into darkness and a people wiped from existence.

He awoke crying but not remembering why. That seemed normal for him now, he even viewed it as a luxury to not have to remember his nightmares.

It was early, the world still quiet. He felt like an intruder witnessing everything at a vulnerable point. As if the world around him were yawning and stretching to wake the rest of the way into morning. Feldun began cleaning up his mess and set out, all grubby clothes and unkempt hair, on his way into the real world.

The road to Traston was not busy yet. There was the odd farmer that drove by in their wagon, laden with produce, part of a daily routine at the end of summer. They were easily avoided. He walked on the side of the road, every once in a while a comment made in his general direction, but Feldun ignored them or stepped further off of the road to avoid any further conflict.

As the road became busier, his heart would flutter every time a wagon passed him. Unfriendly sensations bombarded his person constantly. The city was going to help him but getting there was becoming difficult. He’d taken off into the fields on either side of the road more than once and it was hindering his progress. Eventually, Feldun squared his shoulders and decided that he would not stop until he arrived in Traston. His determination, a challenge to the gods themselves, was a testament to the importance of his task.

By noon, his stomach was grumbling and he was all out of his stalks, but he made it to Traston. As a small child, Feldun’s first impression of the city was something grandiose and benevolent, a safe haven for travelers and townsfolk alike. Now, as Feldun made his way to the gates where guards stood and too many people were coming and going. All he saw was danger and unkindness. Feldun stopped dead in his tracks, his chest heaving. Everything around him seemed to scream, “Run!”

He was jostled by a traveler who didn’t see him stop. The guards looked over at the commotion. Feldun whispered, “They know.” and panicked. He turned, ran directly into a cart-horse, bounced off and sprinted into the surrounding greenery. His mind was racing. He didn’t know if he was being followed and worse yet, he didn’t know how to get inside. His whole life depended finding his aunt. She could keep him safe.

With that thought, Feldun crumpled against the wall surrounding the city. He was covered from the elements by a large tree with wide leaves. He let a measure of the torment he had endured defeat him. He cried, giving into the feeling for the first time. The helpless sobs of an 8 year old boy. He cried for his parents and his siblings. He cried for Ohmie and the home he had known his whole life. He cried for the boy that could not gather enough courage to endure the scrutiny of others.

For now, we will allow him his privacy.

Eventually he found himself calm and quiet. A clarity passed over his mind allowing him to think critically and clearly. He would go back to the road and quietly sneak in with a cart. A boy walking beside a cart would not cause too much suspicion. With a determination that would make his father proud, Feldun got up and walked into the city. Overcoming all fears, he got the job done.

He made it! He simply walked through next to a potato cart. Mentally, he was a jumble of reactions and nerves. His father used to tell him, Mind over matter, Son. You can get anything done given enough time and focus. Feldun could almost hear his smooth baritone gently correcting him as he practiced his morning exercises. Listening to his father for perhaps the first time, Calm the breath and the heart will follow.

Feldun had one thing on his mind: finding his aunt. There was always an Elvish quarter in the bigger cities so he headed that way. He knew how to find it due to his countless visits in the past. A past that felt like it belonged to someone else.

Even the city felt different… It was hard to believe that at one point in his life, coming to this place was something he loved. The stall vendors used to excite him with what treasures they would hold. Now, he had to force himself not to cringe as they bombarded him with sound and even shoved things in front of him or yelled at him. The excitement that his life once held had disappeared. In its place was a terror that ruled his young mind. It felt like anyone and everyone around him was going to grab him and bring him to meet the same fate as his family.

He thought he was headed in the right direction until he suddenly realized that he had no idea where he was. He was so caught up in his paranoia that he hadn’t taken a second thought in his direction as he walked. He tried to orient himself. When he entered the city, The first thing that had taken his focus was the bell tower in the heart of the courtyard. Everywhere, there were people running about doing the business of living their daily lives. He had gone with the flow of people through the gates and walked on cobblestones passing houses and shops. The houses were fine and the shops full of people and merchants.

Yet, where he was now was shabby and not well kept. His path was not cobblestones but loose gravel. There were small shops that seemed empty but mostly houses all around him and there was an overwhelming odor of filth. He could almost taste it, a creamy texture to the air that lingered on his tongue with every breath. All the more reason to dislike the humans. Even at their worst, Elves were not nearly as smelly. Taking pride in his race and his life, he walked assuredly in the direction that he thought was the Bell Tower.

It took time to walk the city and by the end of the day, He had no idea where he was, let alone where his aunt was. He was thoroughly lost. At one point Feldun tried to ask a passerby for directions. However, the only thing he got for his trouble was a rough kick in his general direction. Even fellow Elves were less than helpful.

The only way to ensure his safety was to find his father’s sister.

Once again, Feldun set his shoulders and walked. A slow walk slinking through crowds hoping to be unseen. Few people took notice of yet another dirty young boy, but the ones who did were met with a stoney look from the urchin-boy who prowled the streets. As the sun set, Feldun found the water.

Looking down at the ocean, Feldun felt small as night time settled over the city and all the lamps were lit. A world beyond his own would prove a great adventure. Part of him wanted to get on one of the massive ships in front of him and run away from this life. Find a new world where his family wasn’t dead and his strife was something measurable. He watched as a young boy boarded the ship and quickly got to work running to and fro with a fervor that made Feldun remember why he was in Traston to begin with. Forgetting his childish thought, he slowly turned away from the future he could have and began his journey to find his aunt again. Life would move on and so would he, in time.

“Vato! Vato!” Came the call from above. “It’s been too long, Vato! How about you come by the place and we will take good care of you?” Craning his neck, the world seemed to elongate as he looked upwards to catch a glimpse of the boy calling to him. A familiar voice that could not be placed. The mystery was quickly solved as the boy seemed to materialize in front of him.

“It really is you!” The boy threw his arms around Feldun. The inn behind them was bright and warm in the summer night-air. Feldun was too stunned to respond. He didn’t recognize this boy in front of him. The blank look on his face must have been apparent to him. “It’s me, Aadric!”

The relief that flooded Feldun as he recognized his friend was palpable. He had no idea how much he needed a friendly face.

“Come inside! I’m sure my parents would love to see you. Where is your sister? My Ma’ just made biscuits.”

Feldun froze. “Do you know where my aunt is?” He asked carefully, not letting any emotion color his words. The relief that flooded his system seconds ago was quickly being replaced with fear. He didn’t need to see Aadric’s parents. Trust no one. He couldn’t tell Aadric what happened. What if the same thing happened to them? His father told him to find her. The last thing he wanted was for Aadric to lose his family too. If someone else found her, they would lose her or lead others to her and then no one would be safe.

“Feldun, Are you alright? You look like merda.”

Silence.

“I’m not sure where your aunt is, Vato. I haven’t seen her in a tour.”

“Thanks Vato, I have to go. With sails and oars!” Feldun nodded and walked away

“Feldun! Where are you going?”

Life is rarely easy and our choices usually make it more difficult. He could still hear his friend calling after him. Is this how you repay your brother from within? He earned the title “Vato” when he saved Feldun’s little sister all those years ago. Feldun had never met someone so brave… Maybe Aadric would have been able to save his family from their terrible fate.

With unsettling thoughts filling his head, Feldun turned a corner hoping to make his way to the heart of the elven quarter. Now that he had his bearing, he was pretty sure he was going in the right direction.

Parts of the city were beautiful. All along his right side there were huge houses. Grand estates that he loved looking at as a child. Now those estates made him queasy. Too much human stench. Too many large men looking down their noses at him. He picked up the pace without trying to make eye contact with anyone.

He knew he was on the right track when he saw the giant tree before him. Even in the darkness it was imposing and beautiful. It stood out like a shepherd watching over its flock. He had to crane his neck to get a good look at it even from a moderate distance. It had to be 9 or 10 times the size of his father. The branches were large and flowed down to the base of the tree, barely kissing the ground with the sway of the winds.

Feldun remembered the day his mother told him and his little sister that weeping willows, being the most of ancient of trees, had perfected the art of using the wind to keep their secrets. She said that if you listened close enough, you could hear the song of the trees dance on the whistling wind. Lost in the memory of his mother’s voice, Feldun stopped to admire the Willow the way he had many times before this. A large guard bumped him in the shoulder knocking him to the ground.

“Move along, child. Beggars and orphans aren’t welcome here.” The guard didn’t even deem to glance down at Feldun as he walked by. The superiority of his race written in every step he took. Anger burned like a white-hot fire in the depth of Feldun’s soul. It erased everything from his mind leaving only a feral creature.

Feldun deftly hopped to his feet and charged the guard with every ounce of power the anger gave him. Wailing a war-cry that caught the attention of the world around him, Feldun jumped onto the man’s back and wrapped his tiny arm around the man’s neck squeezing with all the strength an 8 year old possesses.

Feldun’s hold was easily broken after the initial shock. The guard threw Feldun to the ground and drew his club, rounding on the boy with a hatred in his eyes that mirrored Feldun’s. However, his had gone out and the fear was written in his face. Without the element of surprise a little boy didn’t have a chance against an armed guard. No one seemed willing to do anything about it as the guard trudged closer, club in hand.

A few whispers “What was he thinking.”

“Well I never thought I would see the day!” In hushed tones. Feldun could see clearly, life was so predictable to these people. Everyone stayed in their designated area and played by the same rules. No one challenged the humans. That is punishable.

“Cestal! There you are! Come child!” Came the cry of an old man. “Where have you been? The wagons are being loaded up for the night and Merrin has already done your part. It’s your turn to help with supper!” He continued to scold the young boy. Feldun jerked his head up and saw an elderly elf approaching with his hand raised. He was wearing a simple robe with Silver hair that shown in the moonlight like a spark among the night.

“Thank you for finding him, Sir.” The old elf looked a little apprehensive but the worry written on his face seemed real enough that the man stopped in his tracks and turned around.

“He bloody attacked me! You best keep your grandson on the right streets. He scared the folk around here something fierce. If you ask me he should be flogged and taught a lesson!” The guard gave the elder a meaningful look. “Maybe clean him up too.”

“Don’t worry, we will take care of him… No one gets out of work on the wagons. I’ll have him up for the next 3 days doing the work of his peers! Then he can earn a bath.” This seemed to satisfy the guard and the listening public. They went about their business. A few onlookers still watching with disdain as the old man helped Feldun to his feet.

Out of respect for the risk the elf took in saving him, Feldun walked with him for a while toward The Elven Quarter. As they walked, the old elf spoke, “I am Saplentia. Everyone calls me Tiae.” He walked with a brusqueness that Feldun didn’t think someone that old could muster. He almost had to jog to keep up. “Let’s head to the inn and I will get you a bath and some fresh clothes. He was right about your smell, Young One. What’s your name?”

Feldun seemed confused. They walked in silence for a moment as they went over the great bridge that separated the elves from the rest of the city. On the other side there were a couple of small houses but mostly tents and a few shops. There were carts and wagons strewn about the street wherever they could fit. Most people were inside the big taverns or closed up for the night but there were the odd few passerby that called out their hellos to Tiae.

“Haloo!”

He would wave and smile and continue on his way. He seemed like a nice enough man.

“Why did you save me? Everyone else was content to watch in silence.”

“My morals forbid it. I help where I can and I can help you today. I trust that the gods walk with us and show us what we need to see.” Tiae stopped mid-stride looking at Feldun the way one would look at a puppy with too much mud on it’s body and it still wants to climb on you. “You are in no state to take dinner at the table. Follow me.” This didn’t concern Feldun. He had taken meals outside in the chill Autumn air since his life changed. Not eating with a big group was more favorable to him than doing so. The rest of the walk passed in silence.

Tiae took Feldun around to the workman’s entrance, and asked the serving girl to fetch some water. There was a tub in a tiny room accessed through the outside of the inn. The place was nothing special to Feldun’s young eyes but it was lively. There was music and laughter drifting to them from the yummy smelling kitchens. He peered through a crack in the door as his stomach grumbled loudly and watched the dance of serving girls while they weaved in out between the tables. The fire was warm and the servers laughed with the patrons. The musician was talented and the whole room seemed alive with his music and laughter. There were only elves in the building and somehow it seemed easier. The place was happy but sharp with memories from a life that Feldun could no longer live. Tears welled up in his eyes as Tiae gently led him by the shoulder to a hot tub full of water. There was soap and even flowers.

“I imagine that you do not need help bathing? I will sit outside and make sure no one disturbs you. If you need anything just call my name. Do you remember it?” Tiae looked worried for a moment searching the boy’s distant eyes, but Feldun repeated the man’s name robotically. Trying to remember where his father would take them while they stayed in town… So much changed… How could he forget something so important? He heard Tiae sit on a stool outside and the squish of the wood as it sank into the mud.

  “Tiae.”

“Yes, Young One?” Came Tiae’s curious response from outside the little room.

“Do you remember everyone you’ve lost?”

Tiae sighed hearing the sadness in the boy was hard for him. So young and so full of heartache… Tiae shook his head slightly as if to help a memory fade. “No one lives forever, Child. What matters in this world is how our memory takes root in the world. When someone moves on to the next life, the only way we can honor them is to live a life they would have been happy to see or proud to have taken a part of. The Goddess takes care of them and we take care of their unfinished business.” With that Tiae fell silent and left the boy to his thoughts.